Witch Taint's King of Black Metal Lance Discusses Goats, Music, and Craziness!


WITCH TAINT is one of the latest of the extremely extreme and Satanic Norwegian Black Metal bands within the U.S. and they are called WITCH TAINT. Who solely consists of a duo of gents, this demonic duo recently releasing a new single and video for the track titled "Death to Death Metal", off their debut album "Sons of Midwestern Darkness". One out of the two bad members, Lance the King of Black Metal discusses the matters about this band, music, and crazy antics that are involved within.


1. First off, you released a new single and video for the song called "Death to Death Metal", where you worked not only with goats but sheep too! Now why were the sheep being dicks compared to the goats?

Generally speaking, we love working with livestock whenever possible- cows, pigs, everything. The goats are especially great and almost always a guaranteed quality hang whether the cameras are rolling or not. And they don’t seem to give a fuck about anything. The sheep on the other hand are major dicks. For starters, we were told they would scamper and frolic, but as you can see from the video, they did nothing of the sort. Also, they took really long bathroom breaks and refused to take any sort of direction whatsoever. In fact, most the time they would do exactly the opposite of what we asked, seemingly just to fuck with us. Don’t even get me started on the hidden fees.

2. Are you going to be bringing out the goats and sheep on tour; to play with you on stage, once you head out on the road eventually?

ZZ Top toured with livestock on their 1976 Worldwide Texas Tour and we heard the smell in the back lounge of the bus was unbearable, even worse than when Dusty Hill takes a deuce by accident. For this reason alone, we have decided to bring animatronic goats and sheep on tour with us instead. They just arrived from the factory and they look and feel incredible. But we tested them out at practice a couple weeks ago and they wiped out the power grid for six miles in either direction. Still working out the kinks, I guess. I’ve been on with Japanese tech support since 4:30 this morning.

3. Can you tell me about that song "Death to Death Metal", why was it picked to be a single and video and what's it about?

It’s all there in the title basically. Death metal can suck it. Don’t print this, but Matthias Backwards and I actually listen to it all the time and even have Chris Reifert from Autopsy singing on our album. It’s just that compared to Witch Taint death metal and most other forms of music blows donkeys. We will, however, admit that the Blood Incantation T-shirts are cool even though we heard they run small and cause hair loss.

As for why we picked “D2DM” as a single, every song on our album is the best so it was super hard to choose. What we did in the end is just write all the song titles on a wall with a Sharpie and throw one of those pink Hostess Snowballs at the wall from as far away as we could stand. It ended up hitting “Death to Death Metal” so we picked that. Pretty simple but my mom is still pissed about the wall. Have another drink, lady!

4. That track comes off your debut album "Sons of Midwestern Darkness", how would you describe the sound overall for this release?

The quick answer is that is it the best sound. But more specifically we just combined black metal, speed metal, NWBHM, NWTHM, punk, punk rock, rock, hard rock, hardcore, and hardcore punk, with just the right amount of soul and R&B for the most extremely extreme thing that has ever happened basically. In fact, the first time I listened back to the album in its entirety, I totally puked. It’s that good.

5. Did the band have any definitive goals they were shooting for before the recording process began for this album?

We were just hoping to express our dark world view through music using whatever instruments were on sale at the Guitar Center down the street from my mom’s house at the time.

6. Why should people check out said album, what would be one main reason to do so?

We’ve written twelve classic metal anthems plus five instructive interludes that are not only extremely extreme, but also super catchy and danceable and perfect for getting hammered and singing along to with all your best friends and worst enemies. As I’ve said, it is the best album. It is also the worst album, but in the best possible way. Anyone who doesn’t listen to it immediately after reading this interview is basically insane and probably tries to pork dogs.

7. Can you give us some insight about the formation of the band. How did you guys meet and all, is there a special story behind the band's namesake?

The band started in 2003 and existed entirely in my mind until 2004, when I decided to get a record contract for the band despite the fact that I’d yet to write a note of music. I emailed with a Norwegian Black Metal record label manager named Saittham (aka Matthias Backwards) for six months about it and even recorded a demo for a song called “Necrodreamraper” with a sessin musician named John Kimbrough aka Cumlord II. It’s the longest three minutes and thirty seconds of your life. You can still read mine and Saittham’s 100% real correspondence at www.theblackmetaldialogues.com, which came out in 2005. In true and also trve underground from, the band then laid dormant until 2017 unless you count making T-shirts and stickers and telling other bands they suck. Then in 2017, Matthias Backwards and I accepted an invitation to read our legendary email exchange on stage at Saint Vitus in Brooklyn in exchange for four drink tickets. It was an instant hit and from there we went on to do sold out shows at SXSW, in London, in Oslo with Fenriz from Darkthrone in the front fucking row (true and also trve strory!), and finally the 2018 Wacken Open Air festival, where we were the only band to do four shows. Take that, Mr. Big!!! We own you!!!! Also, Paul Gilbert, please get in touch cuz we need a third guitar player. Anyway, by then we had added about four songs to the show and noticed that all the people in the crowd would stare at us in awe while we read the emails in our corpse paint, but would go totally nuts whenever we played our incredible and extreme music. That’s when we knew we had no choice but to finish the job and record our debut album, which, of course, is the best album. As for the band name, it came to me in a fever dream after I had eaten way too many pizza-flavored Combos. Never buy in bulk- it’s a trap.

8. Is there any special reason for choosing your music conception?

Satan.

9. How do you guys manage to create music at all? What challenges did you face while writing and recording this particular album?

It is very hard to create our music because it is so extreme. Sometimes while recording, we would have to take long breaks and go sit in a ditch to clear our heads out a bit. But even when we did that, we set some mics up and recorded the ambient sounds of our bleakness, despair, and at least one fart that no one has owned up to.

As for the recording itself, we used a vintage laptop with a cracked screen and an underside that sticks to your pants. It is extremely slow and kvlt and you can really hear the difference. The only challenge was my mom gets home from work at like 4:30 every day and basically never shuts up, which makes it impossible to record vocals or do anything really. Honestly it fucking sucks. I have no idea why she doesn’t just go to her “friend” Karen’s house and leave us the fuck alone until at least dinner. I mean, she’s a great lady but c’mon.

10. Let's discuss the record label this album is coming from, is it really called Tee Pee Records? How did that label come about and why get signed on with them?

It really is called Tee Pee Records. They even answer the phone that way. Sometimes it sounds like they are really saying Pee Pee Records, which is awesome and funny every time. Anyway, we ended up signing with them after we saw Kenny the label president go into Costco, so we parked my mom’s minivan behind his car and refused to move it until he’d give us a deal. Let’s see Cradle of Filth try that shit.

11. In the music video for the track you released, it features two members, but apparently during your live performances it will feature six members live, how did it go from two to six?

Matthias Backwards and I are just two people- two incredible people, but still we only have two hands, two feet, and then our junk. Anyway, we needed help replicating the infernal sounds of our album live all over the world and probably beyond, so we put an add on Craiglist and hoped for the worst. La Sinistra, our diva opera singer and the only one in the band legally allowed to enter any Anthrologie stores in North America after what happened, was the first to answer and we have her singing on the whole album. She is incredible and we are terrified of her. Our drummer, Markus St. Bastard, also plays on the album, but only as a session musician. We would not let him be an official member until he did six hundred and sixty six crunches immediately after the album was completed. We let him in after he did 500 and showed no signs of flagging. It was just like “Okay, we get it, strongman. Now go fix me a fucking sandwich!” Our bass player is Dean Ripper and he is the best at bass and also making guacamole. The secret is lemon juice, he says, but who the fuck really knows? My point is it’s fucking good. Our other guitar player is Tomas Guillotine. He is French and we can’t understand a word he says unless he is very drunk and off his meds, which is most of the time.

12. How about the album's artwork, who designed it, and why the use of zombie horses within the art?

The album artwork is the best, which was important to us since it is the best album. It was done by the great artist Tim Lehi, who also does tattoos, sometimes on butts even and I can prove it. Anyway, we told him to just make us look awesome riding horses and also have fire and hellhounds and whatever the fuck else he wanted to put in there without charging us extra. If you look closely, the horses are not zombie horses, but merely have a glandular condition that causes skin irritation and chaffing, which is why they look like that. Honest mistake, though.

13. IF Witch Taint were to collaborate with either Sesame Street or Barney the Dinosaur to do a song, who would you work with and what song would you come up with and why?

Barney is a sexual predator. And while that does hold some appeal to us, we would choose Sesame Street all the way. We would work with Oscar the Grouch probably because he seems to share the same dark world view as us, lives in a garbage can on purpose, and also the green fur is fucking metal as fuck! The Cookie Monster, obviously, is too “death metal” for our tastes, so he can fuck right off. As for a song, we’d probably write something about how Big Bird is bullshit and everyone knows it. I mean, he’s cool and all, but hopefully you see my point. I love that fucking show.

14. What does the band have planned for the rest of 2020?

If we are allowed to go outside again, we will play shows all over the world and destroy people to the point where they will all wish they were still on lockdown. Other than that, we are thinking of making more T-shirt and stickers and will probably torment people via the Internet until everyone on earth has fully given in to the Taint!! It would also be nice to finally see Hamilton.

15. Thanks a lot for your time! It’s really nice to know more about you. Would you like to say anything to your fans and our readers?

Stay hydrated. Most people don’t drink enough water but even just a couple extra glasses a day makes a big difference in giving you healthier skin, hair, and everything else. Also, the first six Black Sabbath albums are great and all, but there are still plenty of great moments on Technical Ecstasy and Never Say Die! so give them a chance. And everything they did with Dio was amazing but that goes without saying. Also, watch Letterkenny, Unorthodox, and the thrash metal documentary Murder in the Front Row. Other than that, keep your eye on the Taint!!!!

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